ANGELINA JOLIE - A UNIQUE HEROINE? WE KNOW FIVE OTHERS.

There has been much ado in the media recently over Angelina Jolie and her discovery that she carries the BRCA gene, making her more likely than not to develop breast cancer at some time in her life.

As a result, Angelina opted for a double mastectomy with reconstruction, to dramatically lower her odds of developing breast cancer down the road. 

Angelina ostensibly underwent the genetic testing to determine if she carried the gene as her mother succumbed to ovarian cancer in 2007, and we have now learned of the death of her aunt (her mother’s sister), from breast cancer just weeks ago - and she carried the gene.

The BRCA gene makes one at high risk for both breast and ovarian cancer.

Angelina has been portrayed in the media with countless faces – for her beauty, her acting skills, her devotion to family, her relationship with Brad Pitt.  There has been much criticism (jealousy?) along the way of her weight, her lips, her legs, her beauty, her acting skills, her devotion to family, her relationship with Brad Pitt. 

She has never been portrayed as an out and out Heroine, until now though.  She is now being heralded over her bravery of getting the genetic testing done; digesting the results; making the tough decision on what steps to take to help ensure she lives long and prospers without cancer; undergoing the double mastectomy pre-op procedures; the actual surgery; the post-surgical drains and recovery process.  She is reportedly looking into the removal of her ovaries to eradicate the odds of her developing ovarian cancer.

Wow, what a lady!  What an unusual and outstanding woman……..or is she?

Here at Cancer Crossing, five women we know, immediately come to mind.  Two of the women tested positive for the BRCA gene (after developing breast cancer already) and had the double mastectomy surgery with reconstruction.
One has recently been diagnosed with the BRCA gene (after developing ovarian cancer) and is on the surgical consultation list for double mastectomy/reconstruction.
Two other women we know have opted for the double mastectomy with reconstruction not because of the BRCA gene, but because they had developed breast cancer in one breast and facing a single mastectomy, made the decision to opt for the double mastectomy as it gave them a greater sense of comfort they would not have to deal with breast cancer again.

Has the media reported on the Heroism of any of these women?  No.

These women underwent, or are undergoing these procedures in Winnipeg without the enormous financial resources Angelina has available to assist her through this difficult time.  Angelina has the resources to allow for the time she required to be away from work.  She has the resources to assist with child care.  She has the resources for psychiatric help should she need it through this challenging time.  Angelina has the resources for immediate action on her case. 

These are resources our five women did not/do not, necessarily have available while undergoing their double mastectomies and reconstruction.   Our women had to get cancer to discover the gene or to make the double mastectomy/reconstruction decision for their own peace of mind.  These women, and any and all cancer patients dealing with their own unique cancer experience, are the patients we at Cancer Crossing are looking to create a fund to support. 

Is Angelina a Heroine?  Yes, because she is able to raise public awareness on the BRCA gene and the double mastectomy/reconstruction procedure with lightning speed, which can only be a good thing. 
Here at Cancer Crossing though, we think the real Heroine’s in this story are our five ladies, who dealt with/are dealing with, all that Angelina has and more.  Where are these women?  Obviously if we know five, there are undoubtedly thousands or tens of thousands of these ladies.  They are in your workplace, at social events, at the grocery store and at the shopping mall ticking off the items on their ‘to do’ list because life carries on, and the ‘inbox’ is always full.  They are hard to detect because they quietly stare cancer in the eye and fight with an intimate circle of supporters.  No paparazzi, no fanfare, just Bravery.

WHAT ABOUT RELIGION?

What role does Religion play for  those dealing with cancer?

Generally speaking, there are 3 types of 'Faith'.  One is the belief in a God (or some other figurehead of an organized religion).  Another is 'no Faith', those being Atheists.  Finally there are those who aren't sure.

At 'Cancer Crossing', the question of cancer and religion comes up in almost every interview.  It is probably one of the most complex aspects of every interview as well.

Some feel that God has struck them or a loved one down with cancer because their faith had not been strong enough.  They did not attend enough services or they had impure thoughts, so they are deserving of such bad things as cancer. 

'I deserve this.'

Some feel they followed the teachings of the faith yet got cancer.  They feel as though God has done them wrong and their faith has been shaken.  They wonder why did they put so much time and energy into their religion and in return they get cancer?  Shouldn't you be rewarded with good fortune (health, happiness, income, etc..) if you do good by the Church? 

'Why did I bother?'

Some didn't participate in organized religion prior to cancer and with cancer, they still don't.  There is a certain 'matter of factness' to these people.  See a doctor and get it fixed.  If it can't be fixed, take care of your business and prepare.

'It is what it is.'

Others feel that 'it is God's will'.  They believe that God has a plan for everyone and there is a reason they have been chosen to deal with cancer.  They pray for better health but also pray that when it is time for them to leave this life and be with their God, they be granted mercy and their loved ones left behind celebrate their life and not mourn their loss.

'Peace be with you.'

Many people don't know what to believe.  They didn't know what to believe before cancer and with cancer, still don't know.  They look across all religions for something they can identify with.  They try to reason with themselves that this life is all there is and there is nothing in the hereafter but eventually  circle back to 'What if...?'

Ultimately, people are looking for reconciliation.  They want a sense that their life had a purpose.  Most don't feel they need to leave behind a 'Grand Persona' that will be talked about in the history books forever.  In the big picture of life, most are content with the smaller things.   To know they have imparted some wisdom they have accumulated over the years to others along the way, leaves one with a sense of richness.   

'I deserve this.',

'Why did I bother?',

'It is what it is.',

'Peace be with you.' 

'What if...?' 

The Ultimate Answer may only be known by those who have passed on before us but while we are here, living this life, we all try and find our own way as best we can.  There is a saying, 'onward through the fog'.  That's a good saying.

Breaking News! Our Founder, Dr. Tse Li Luk to receive Order of Manitoba

Breaking News!  'Cancer Crossing' Founder, Dr. Tse Li Luk will be receiving the Province of Manitoba's highest honour, the Order of Manitoba, in a ceremony this July, 2013. 

"Dr. Tse Li Luk, physician and award-winning photographer, whose volunteer service has greatly benefited the Chinese-Canadian community and the community-at-large."

Congratulations to Dr. Luk from the 'Cancer Crossing' team!!  We can attest to his commitment to the greater good.  His concern for others knows no bounds.  This award is richly deserved and we are proud to be associated with such a fine individual.  

 http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/local/Order-of-Manitoba-r-206933111.html

Sandra - The Caregiver

Meet Sandra.  In her arms, a photo of her Dad, 'Dood'.  Dood was a meticulous dresser.  Sandra is wearing his hat, something of her father's she holds dear.

Dood was diagnosed with cancer in January 2007.  He passed April 19, 2011.  Being a caregiver for someone with cancer is an intense experience.   They say love will make you do anything.  Love made Sandra do everything for her father.  So much over the period of four plus years, we cannot even begin to encapsulate the lengths she went to, to give hope and everlasting life, to her father, her mother and the rest of the family.

Dad said 'I don’t know what to do.' 

"...me making phone calls

...asking for permission to speak with his doctor.

Dad really did have cancer in his right lacrimal sac and that we needed to remove his eye.

Let’s first see, there must be some alternative.

We just cannot accept one opinion

...we heard about a doctor in Vancouver."

My Dad said, 'If there is a way, Sandra is going to find that way.'

"It turns out that my husband’s niece is an Ophthalmologist as well and she said the cancer is quite advanced and there is probably not a whole lot they can do for him.

My brother-in-law is also a doctor and he advised he is probably going to be terminal in a very short time.

...Dad went through the surgery - about 9 hours.

... I had a shower and then I went back to the hospital – I just could not, not be there.

...radiation...

...the cancer had returned...

...another surgery...

...radiation, but first

...we have to remove all his teeth.  That just sounded utterly terrible to me.

Before we did anything, I called the dad of my daughter’s friend who happened to be a dental surgeon."

...I told Dad:  “we have a plan in place now.  No teeth getting removed.  We will keep your teeth and the dental surgeon said he can take care of it, but if we needed to do that, there is the alternative plan that you will get a set of dentures and we will replace them when we need to."

"...no sooner did we make that decision,

...the doctor wanted me to call him

...there is not really anything that we can do for him

...radiation...

But, I do remember, that he asked me, 'Why me?' I said, “I don’t really know why you Dad. I don’t know why you, why me, why any of us. I just know that that is the way it is.” He asked, 'So, what are we going to do?' It is always "me and him".  Sandra is going to know what to do.  I said, “Well, here’s the deal.  If you have diabetes, you live with diabetes.  So, you can do this one of two ways.  You can either live with cancer, or you can die from it.  You need to decide which one it is going to be.  If you want to die from cancer, it is going to be a bit of a lonely journey.  If you want to live with cancer – we will do everything we can do to make you live with cancer.  So, if you have diabetes, and you don’t take care of it – then you are going to die from it.  So, it is like diabetes – you live with it and that is how we are going to go about this.”  He says, 'That’s a good plan. That is what I am going to do. I am going to live with cancer.'  So you write your own story – you are not going to die from cancer, because you are just waiting for something to happen to you.  You are going to live with cancer, like people live with all kinds of things.  People live with high blood pressure; people live with diabetes. People live with cancer."

Sandra arranged family trips to Guyana, India and Panama Canal, so her father could experience as much as possible.  He was weak and sick but inspired by Sandra, by her faith in him, her love for him.

"...radiation...

...I had taken over managing his medication and managing the homecare people coming in; managing his diet; managing his sleep; managing his food – everything.  Everything about his life, I was managing.  Working full-time and studying full-time but running over to his house every day to make sure he had eaten and rested.  Making up all these crazy schedules and charts and graphs and templates of everything, and his medication lists.  Writing down everything.  I would make sure the homecare people would write down everything.  By November he had home care for 22 hours a day. On my instructions, the workers would record what he ate, how much he ate, a glass of juice, a bowl of cereal.  Whatever it was.

Then he spent his last couple of months at the hospice. I would visit him almost every day on my way to and from work.  I would go and sit with him; read to him; tell him what my day was like.  He didn’t have a lot of pain – he was on a lot of medication, so he wasn’t living with a lot of pain.  The meds seemed to manage it sufficiently.  The nurses would tease him – his name was Dood. “Dood, when you go into the shower, you have to stop putting so much powder on your body. We are asthmatic and you are killing us with this powder.” It didn’t matter how terrible he felt – he had to shower every morning; he had to powder himself generously; he had to splash on some cologne.  He was meticulous about that.

My father was cremated. His ashes we put in the river at a park in Fort Garry.  My parents had lived in Fort Garry, and he liked to sit in the park.

I cannot say that I would have done anything differently.  I was satisfied after my Dad passed away that I had done all that I could do for him and perhaps, that is why I don’t miss him in the way people think that I should – with a kind of a sadness.  I had so much time to talk to him about stuff.  But, it didn’t just happen after he had cancer – it was always there.  I would talk to him about 'Do you remember when so and so did this?  Or do you remember this?  Or do you remember that time when they had that fire in the ‘60s?  Remember that time we went to Florida and we got lost when we all went on vacation?  Or when we all went in the car in the snowstorm?'  They spent many vacations with us when they came to Canada – we would do things together, or they would come and sit in the backyard or in the sunroom or spend a Sunday afternoon here.  I had lots of memories.  Someone was asking me – how do you cope with the death of your Dad? I said, “I don’t actually.”  They said that was too bad.  I said – “I don’t cope with his death – I live with memories of the his life and all he taught me.”  I don’t cope with his death, because I then feel like I focus on the days of his cancer.  I want to remember all the beautiful memories that we shared together."

Sandra has it right.  Make a memory today.

ADDITIONAL CONTACT INFORMATION!

You can message us through Facebook, but we also have our 'Cancer Crossing' general e-mail address and it is:

cancercross@gmail.com

We look forward to hearing from you!

We continue to develop and now have a regular mailing address as well!

Cancer Crossing

1-1660 Kenaston Blvd.

PO Box 70029 Kenaston PO

Winnipeg, MB  R3P 0X6

Follow us on Twitter!

@CancerCrossing

Caregiver Stress

What if you suddenly found yourself in the role of caregiver to a loved one with cancer?  Do you know what you would do?

We are learning through our interviews with cancer patients that most go through a process.  Whether they felt 'intuitively' they had something wrong with them or their diagnosis comes as a shock, they suffer an initial disbelief that they themselves, have cancer. 

Through the process of medical tests, doctor visits, treatments, experiencing the physical side effects of treatment, surgery, radiation or whatever their particular case entails, they eventually reach a point of acceptance.  They accept they have cancer or have had cancer.  If circumstances are such that the cancer will take the patients life, they come to accept that too, most often with peace.

Our interviews with caregivers are teaching us that their experience of cancer is an entirely different one than that of the patient. 

They feel compelled to try and do something about the diagnosis. 

Many run to the internet, seek out friends who have had experience with cancer to learn what they can over and above what a doctor has told them, to see if they can find a way, a loophole if you will, wherein will lie the 'cure'.  

They feel if they can get their loved one in for a second opinion they will learn that there is in fact, no cancer.  A mistake has been made.

They feel afraid to leave their loved one alone - afraid that in their absence 'the worst' will occur but if they are around, eagle eyed and watchful, then things will hang in the balance at 'okay'.

They feel compelled to ask again and again, 'How do you feel?', 'Are you okay?'.  They hold their breath while waiting for the answer, which they can only hope will be, 'I'm fine.'  They never believe the answer 'I'm fine', though.  The person has cancer, they cannot be fine.  They are only saying they are fine because they don't want me to worry.  So they worry more, wondering what is not fine about how the patient is REALLY feeling.

The stress is astronomic.  The level of responsibility they feel  is enormous.  Exhaustion sets in for which there is no relief.

This behaviour of the caregiver is very difficult for the cancer patient to understand.  Perhaps it is because when ones body is seriously ill, the mind undergoes a process which takes them on a long journey from disbelief, to acceptance, to peace, but for a caregiver, they are often stuck in denial or disbelief or overwhelmed with a feeling that they must take action even though they are not sure what it is.  Caregivers rarely seem to move to acceptance and if they do, peace doesn't seem to be attached.

If you know someone who is a caregiver to a cancer patient.  Give them a hug today.  They need it.

 

Cleo, and (not) giving up

Cleo experienced Left Parotid Adenocarcinoma and had chemotherapy, surgery and radiation.

"I found radiation physically very difficult.  I spent three weeks in the hospital.  At one point I was starting to lose my faith or whatever you want to call it, because I was so sick and it was almost like, is it worth it?   I was so sick.   
At the same time I had cancer I had a friend who also had cancer and she went through chemo - she had a rare form of leukemia that was very aggressive.  They tried so many types of chemo on her and she was just so sick and at the end she said she was ready to go. 
She was my age and I thought to myself, am I going to get to that stage?  She died before I started radiation but when I was having my radiation I was feeling so sick and I thought now I know exactly how she felt.  I was almost ready to give up too but I couldn't.   I knew I couldn't give up".

Have you ever had a moment in your life when you say 'I give up'?  I'm sure there have been many.  Your boss puts that extra task on you that brings you to overload, a so called 'customer service' representative does not help your situation but instead puts you near the end of your rope or perhaps for the third year in a row, your 'easy to grow' petunias fail.  Certainly in any of these instances you might lose your cool and yell 'THAT'S IT, I GIVE UP!'.

Cancer treatment can be grueling.  It taxes the body and taxes the mind.  Some manage it better than others but no cancer patient gives up. 
Cleo has expressed what so many cancer patients wonder themselves but are afraid to utter - 'am I going to get to that stage?' (ready to die).  Regardless of your situation, we are hearing that the mind eventually comes to terms with the reality of the body.  A fighting mind comes from a body ready for battle, a mind that is accepting of death from disease is not 'giving up', but rather is the mind of a body that has completed the process of this particular life.  A mind at peace.

Cancer patients do not give up, quite the opposite, they draw deep down and find strength they never knew they had.  Fortunately the scales are tipping so more are winning the battle than not, but those who do not survive cancer never gave up, giving up is reserved for those who likely never really tried hard enough to begin with. 
To face cancer, to accept the reality of your cancer, to fight cancer is to never give up.  If you think you want to give up on your petunia garden or your tasks at work, maybe you haven't tried hard enough yet.  If you know someone who has, or has had cancer, look into their eyes.  What you will see will inspire you, for cancer alters a person forever.  They face challenges with a bolder more fearless approach and you can see it in their eyes, brimming forth from their soul.  You might want to ask one to help with your petunias!

Cleo's surgery left her with disfiguration on the left side of her face.  We asked Cleo 'how do you deal with the disfiguration of your face from the surgery?'  Her response:   "I just shrug, smile.  I just go on.  Once people get to know me they don't see it anymore.  If anyone asks, I say I had cancer and I lost the nerve that controls the muscle on this side of my face".  Cleo then adds about the cancer experience  "When it's over, it's over, move on.  Don't dwell on it".  Cleo follows her own advice - she went bungee jumping!